Do These Memory Charms Ever Cause Brain Damage?
by Backroads
Summary: Percy is going to work undercover for the Order. Now all he and Arthur have to do is stage a fight for the rest of the family. How hard can it be?


_New Author's Note: I was in fear the story would be deleted due to the original script format, so I converted it to a story. I hope that it retains the same feel._

_Original Author's Note: I'm not sure what inspired this. Let's just say that it's completely demented and expresses my own idiocy. It's based on the theory that the fight between Arthur and Percy was staged. I don't believe that theory, but oh well._

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

It was evening, that gentle time when day was just coming to an end. People were arriving home after long days of work, and dinner was just coming out of the oven. It was just this way at a home called the Burrow, a crazy little house that looked over the village. There at the gate stood Arthur and Percy Weasley, their faces lit with something akin to sadness.

Arthur gave a heavy sigh and shook his head. "You know, this isn't all that necessary. Even Dumbledore says that he wants you to think very carefully about this. It'll be hard, you understand."

Percy nodded with some defiance. "I know it will be hard, Father. I never imagined I'd be the one going undercover. But I know it's for the good of the Order. And in the end, when it's all over, we can explain everything."

That was true. Eventually, after all the pain and heartbreak that was about to be caused, everything would be explained.

"That's the one hope," Arthur said. " I just wish we didn't have to do it all... this way. But it has to be real. It has to be believable."

"I just hope it won't be too painful."

Yet they both knew there was no way to avoid that. But just how painful would it get?

"Well," said Arthur, clapping his son on the shoulder. "You know what we have to do. We have to make this fight good."

Percy nodded as Molly Weasley called out the door "Dinner!"

Arthur and Percy took one last look at the sunset, sighed in unison, and entered the house.

Dinner began normally enough. It was a fairly regular batch of Weasleys: Arthur, Molly, Percy, Ron, the twins, Ginny, and Bill, who was visiting. It was a good meal, but the conversation was dying.

It was time. Percy knew, and he hated it, but it was time. He straightened up and spoke. "I got a promotion at work today."

Fred rolled his eyes. "Ooh. Wow. Someday they might even know your name."

Percy jumped to his feet, eyes blazing. "That's it! I don't have to be a part of this family! I'm leaving!"

"No! Not yet!" screamed Arthur.

Percy blushed and sat down. "Oh, yeah. I have to wait for you to get mad at me."

George looked very confused. "Fred, did you pull a prank without me?"

Fred shook his head.

"Great," Arthur muttered, pulling out his wand. "Now I have to erase their memories. We'll start over." He waved his wand, and the family resumed eating as if nothing had happened.

Arthur took a bite of squash, chewed, and swallowed. Squash was good. "Okay, Percy, now you can say the line."

"What line?" Ginny asked.

Arthur and Percy stared at each other. "Er..."

"Are you two doing a play or something?"

That sounded good. "Uh, yeah," said Percy. "The Ministry's annual office play."

Fred and George looked excited. "You guys get to do plays at the office?"

Bill wasn't so believing. "You do?"

Arthur sighed. This wasn't working. "No, it's not a play."

But Percy said, "Yes it is."

Molly laughed. "Oh, plays are so much fun. Is it a musical? I love musicals. Ron, remember that musical you were in when you were four?"

For crying out loud, thought Arthur. "It's not a musical."

"Dad, you've never done a play at work before," said Bill.

Ron stabbed a fork into his squash. "Mum, I hated that play."

"But you did such a good job!"

Ginny sat up straighter, beaming with curiosity. "Mum, was I in the play?"

"I had one line!" shouted Ron.

"I wanna be in the play!" Ginny.

George leaned back, snickering. "Ron had to be a bunny."

"Shut up!" Squash went flying over the table.

Fred laughed madly.

"It's not a play!" Arthur shouted. "I never said it was a play! That was Percy!"

Percy buried his head in his hands.

"Oh, for heaven's sake." Arthur grabbed his wand again and performed another memory charm.

But Percy was still annoyed. And everyone could tell.

"What's wrong?" Molly asked.

His head shot up. Oops. "Er... I got a promotion at work today."

"So why are you sad?" asked Ron.

"Because his office isn't big enough," answered Fred.

Arthur was plenty relieved. This would work well enough. "What kind of promotion is it?"

"I'll be working for Fudge," Percy said. This was easy. This would work.

Fred and George laughed.

Molly didn't look very pleased.

"That's nice," said Arthur.

Percy glared at him.

Arthur sighed. "Sorry. One more time. I'll perform the stupid memory charm one more time."

And he did.

"I got a promotion at work today," said Percy. "Dang, that line is stupid."

The Weasleys stared.

Percy swore and pulled out his wand. "I'll do it this time." He performed the memory charm.

Ron, looked around, very confused.

"What kind of promotion did you get?" asked Arthur. Oops. Wrong line, way too early. Dang it!

"What promotion?" Bill asked.

Arthur bit his lip. "Um, Percy was about to tell us he got a promotion."

Percy nodded quickly. "Yes! Yes, I was!"

Ginny wasn't impressed. And she couldn't figure out why she was running low on squash. "But how does Dad know?"

"Because we work together," Arthur replied.

"But..."

"But that's not how it's supposed to go!" said Percy.

"It's called improv," Arthur said, not looking happy at all. "My turn." He grabbed his wand...

Percy tried to look as if he had just sat down to eat. "I got a promotion at work today."

Molly smiled. "Really?"

"Yes, I'll be working undercover for Dumble– Dang it!" He smacked his head down on the table.

Another memory charm was cast.

This time, Arthur began. With the wrong line. "I got a promotion at work today."

"Father!" Percy shouted.

"Oops."

Percy sighed and flicked his wand. "Do you think these memory charms ever cause brain damage?"

"I hope not," said Arthur. "Especially how many times we've been using them."

Too bad it had already been cast.

"What memory charm?" Ron asked, mouth full of food.

Bill frowned. "Is something going on?"

Arthur and Percy both swore, and another memory charm was cast.

It was back to the Weasley family dinner, calm once more–despite the disappearing food.

"Mum, this is a really good dinner," said Bill as he tried to remember eating his squash.

Molly thanked him, and Ginny excused herself to go to the bathroom.

"I got a promotion at work today," said Percy.

"Oh?" Arthur said, trying not to look too surprised.

"Yes. I'll be working in Fudge's office."

"He just wants to use you as a spy."

Percy shook his head and slammed down his fork. "No, he doesn't!"

Arthur jumped to his feet. "He wants to turn you against the Order!"

Percy also leapt up. "Yeah, well, I don't want to be in a family of Dumbledore supporters anyway!"

Molly stared, horrified. "Percy!"

"How dare you speak to us that way!" Arthur yelled.

And then Percy laughed.

The mood died.

"What?" Arthur hissed.

"There's something in your teeth."

"You just killed the moment." Arthur pulled out his wand again.

And the scene was repeated–minus the food-in-teeth. The boys stared in horror and Molly collapsed into tears. Arthur and Percy ran outside to continue the "fight".

"Was that good enough?" Percy asked the moment they were out of hearing range.

Arthur nodded, so relieved. "It'll have to do. They just can't know you're working undercover."

"Percy's working undercover?"

They turned. Ginny was coming down the hall. They had forgotten about her.

"Where did you come from?" Percy asked.

She gestured behind her. "The bathroom." She stepped into the kitchen. "How come no one told me that Percy's working undercover?"

Bill swore.

"I hate this," muttered Percy as he cast another memory charm.

And so it returned to the family dinner–everyone sure that something was going on but just couldn't figure out what.

Arthur stared across the table at Percy.

Percy blushed. "I forgot my line."

Arthur swore.

And, finally, a dozen memory charms later, Arthur and Percy Weasley were on their feet, screaming at each other over the table, forks and knives outstretched dangerously.

And nothing had been said yet.

"I got a promotion at work today!" Percy shouted, fork in hand. "It involves working for Fudge, and I won't have to listen to Dumbledore or some guy that can't even remember his lines!"

Arthur stabbed his knife into the very tabletop. "Oh, you will! You will only be taking that job because you're the one forgetting the lines and I'm sick of you not doing anything right!"

A plate went flying and almost hit Bill. It came from Percy. "So you're saying I can't do anything right? At least I don't steal others' lines!"

"Oh, yeah?" cried Arthur.

And so, sometime later, poor Ron Weasley had to describe the row to his friend Harry Potter.

_**The End!**_


End file.
